FAST & FURIOUS 6
Rating 2 out of 5
Starring: Vin Diesel, Paul Walker, Dwayne Johnson, Jordana Brewster, Tyrese Gibson, Ludacris, Gina Carano, Michelle Rodriguez
Directed by: Justin Lin
Running time: 130 minutes
Parental guidance: frequent violence
Playing at: Angrignon, Brossard, Cavendish, Cin?ma Carnaval, Colossus, C?te des Neiges, Deux Montagnes, Forum, Forum (Imax), Kirkland, Lacordaire, LaSalle, March? Central, Sources, Sph?retech, StarCit?, Taschereau cinemas
It's enough to make your mechanic bat his eyelashes and lick his lips, slowly: Cars, cars and more cars, all pimped-out and ready for some axle-rocking action.
Stopping just shy of Pixar's anthropomorphized garage of stock characters, Fast & Furious is essentially Cars for big boys.
Oozing a dark, oily sexuality from every manly gasket, Fast & Furious 6 feels like a Gothic romance for gay men.
Even the mere idea of Vin Diesel and Dwayne Johnson sharing the same frame is enough to make your biceps bulge with anticipation, but throw in a few extreme close-ups and some soft lighting as the blue smoke of burning rubber and overheated oil caresses the frame - and you're cooking macho romance with high-octane gas.
We've watched former cop Brian O'Conner (Paul Walker) and former criminal Dominic Toretto (Vin Diesel) drag race through this franchise for years now. They've taken on drug cartels and corrupt cops riding their chrome-dipped steeds, and just as this new adventure begins, they both decide it's time to hang up the crescent wrench.
Things are good for the guys, but all that's about to change when Luke Hobbs (Dwayne Johnson) walks into their lives.
A group of highly sophisticated criminals pulled off a successful attack in downtown Moscow that puts the safety of the western world at risk, and U.S. agent Hobbs needs help to capture them.
Clearly, he needs a team of highly skilled drivers with a criminal past, of course, because cars aren't just buckets of bolts and steel. They're omnipotent war machines that can take down a flying Hercules airplane.
Don't believe me? Well, I won't be a plot spoiler, but you can rest assured the automobile goes above and beyond the traditional route of duty in this completely untenable version of reality laced with man love.
There are times when the whole thing is so insane, it's downright laughable - which is a good thing, because how else are we supposed to relate to the idea of drag racers saving the world?
The backbone of these movies is the Hollywood car chase. But an excess of special effects saps every chase scene of its intrinsic drama.
On the upside, we do get eye candy thanks to Tyrese Gibson and Gina Carano, but they're not enough to suck on because the human transmission fails, leaving a souped-up Hollywood engine suspended in mid-air while the fibreglass and plastic shell sits on the shop floor, little more than shiny junk.
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